The Farm Wife Sagas

Are you the one who helps with the farm work, even though you’ve got a mile-long to-do list of your own, just so you can get some quality time and maybe learn something new?

Are you the one who complains that dinner is cold because that “last task” outside took way longer than he said it would?

Or are you the one who has a perfectly tidy house but doesn’t really know what’s going on outside of it?

If I’m honest, I think most of us want to be a mix of all of these. I know I do.

I’d love to have a spotless house, my to-do list checked off, and some extra time beside my guy working the farm. But life just doesn’t work that way. There’s never enough time in the day and never enough of either of us to get it all done.

This week at church, the sermon was on marriage and it hit home for me.

I find myself in the complaining or frustrated stage more often than I’d like. Especially when I’m trying to keep the house clean, be present with VJ, help Colton on the farm, and still have dinner on the table… not even counting the things I do outside of farm life.

Sometimes I’m envious of Colton when he’s outside working on a piece of equipment while I’m folding laundry. Sure, we’re both doing something that needs to be done, but his task just seems more fun. And if we swapped, I know I’d probably be envious of him being inside in the A/C while I was sweating those 20 pounds I need to lose off.

The sermon talked about how a wife is designed to be a helper. That’s God’s design. “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (Genesis 2:18)

It made me stop and think… when I complain about dinner being cold, or when I don’t know enough about the farm to handle a problem on my own while he’s on shift, am I really helping? Or am I adding stress to the relationship without even realizing it?

Here’s what I’m learning: being a helper doesn’t always mean we’re side by side doing the same job. Sometimes it means holding down the fort so they can focus on theirs. Sometimes it means learning something new so we can take that load off their plate. And sometimes it’s as simple as offering grace instead of a complaint.

Helping isn’t just what I do, it’s how I do it. Am I folding laundry with a bitter heart, or with the mindset that it’s one less thing for him to worry about? Am I cooking dinner while replaying how late he is, or am I cooking because I love my family and want to serve them well?

Marriage isn’t about keeping score on whose work is harder, dirtier, or more glamorous, it’s about showing up for each other in the ways that matter most that day. Some days, that means boots in the dirt together. Other days, it’s me keeping the house and kid running so he can focus on what he’s doing. And sometimes, it’s just choosing to bite my tongue and smile instead of sighing about the cold dinner.

God didn’t design marriage for perfection. He designed it for growth, learning, adjusting, and loving better as we go. And that means I can be both the helper in the field and the helper at home, as long as my heart is in the right place.

“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” — Ephesians 5:33