The Farm Wife Sagas

Do you ever just want to keep everyone who’s ever hurt you at arm’s length? Like that’s the only way to make sure you won’t get hurt again? Same here. Sometimes distance just feels safer, like if I can control how close people get, I can control how much chaos they bring.

I’m the type who avoids conflict until it’s bubbling over, and by the time it hits the surface, my words and emotions are everywhere. Not my proudest trait, but at least I own it. I also tend to trust people way too easily. I’ll see the good in you until you prove me wrong, and once that trust is broken, that wall goes up faster than Colton’s temper when we are working cows together.

And it’s not just people. I hold grudges with animals too. I’m 30 years old and still give side-eye to every chicken, even the ones in cages at the state fair, because one of its great-grandparents attacked me when I was 15. Colton laughs and says I’ve got a vendetta problem. He might be right, especially considering I still don’t like one of his favorite cows because she charged me once. He swears it was my fault, but my favorites have never charged me, so I’m not buying it.

Colton’s been trying to convince me to let my walls down a little, you know, be more forgiving and “lighten up.” He says holding grudges takes too much energy and that it’s easier to just let it go. Sure, but so is takeout, a maid service, and YouTube tutorials, and here I am doing everything the hard way.

The truth is, those walls do make me feel safer. But they also make me tired. Because keeping people out might protect your heart, but it also keeps out the laughter, the good conversations, and the people who might surprise you.

I’m learning that maybe it’s not about tearing the walls all the way down. Maybe it’s about building a gate. A gate that lets the right people in, keeps the wrong ones out, and still gives me a little peace of mind. And if I’m being honest, I think God’s been nudging me to stop guarding my heart so tightly and trust that He’s got the rest covered.

So I’m trying, slowly, cautiously, and probably with a little eye roll here and there, to let people a little closer and I just might give #24 another chance.

If you’re like me and have a habit of keeping folks at a distance, I see you. Maybe this week, let’s both try opening that gate just a little. Who knows, the right kind of light might just wander in.