The Farm Wife Sagas

(aka how I became a solo parent 10 days a month and a scheduling wizard overnight)

If you’re a firefighter’s wife like me, you know the love/hate relationship we have with the shift schedule. Roughly 10 days a month, I’m solo—just me, the toddler, and whatever chaos life throws our way.

Before VJ came along, it wasn’t that big of a deal. I’d work long hours on Colton’s shift days and sneak out early when he was off. Easy enough. But now? Now I’ve got a little girl who notices when Daddy starts packing his bag the night before.

Hearing her sweet voice say, “Daddy’s got to go to work?” while she connects the dots—heart. shattered.

But let me be the first to admit: sometimes that third day of him being gone? It’s exactly the reset I need. I even joke (especially on vacation) that it might be time for him to head back to work… we’ve been together too long! 😂 If you’re a first responder spouse, I know you get it.

So, if you’re new to this world—or thinking about dating a firefighter—here are some things no one warns you about:

⸻

🔥 Tips from a Fire Wife:

• You’ll get the whole bed to yourself 1/3 of the time.

Pro tip: diagonally is the most comfortable way to sleep.

• Holiday traditions become flexible.

If he works Christmas, Christmas is whatever day he’s off. You adapt.

• You’ll answer the same questions over and over.

“Is he working today?” “How many days does he work?” Just make a FAQ sign for the door.

• You now run on at least two schedules.

And if your friends’ husbands are also firefighters on different shifts? You’ll become a master of coordinating six calendars. My planner looks like a rainbow crime scene.

• Don’t make big plans for their shift-off morning.

You never know how the night went. He might come home cheerful… or like a grizzly bear who wrestled a dumpster fire.

• Firehouse visits with kids = unpredictable field trips.

Sometimes it’s a quick hello. Sometimes it’s a full station tour with sirens. Almost always it’s a break from motherhood while watching your little one admire their own personal hero! Pack snacks. And patience.

• FaceTime becomes your lifeline.

Before kids? Rarely used it. Now? It’s a must every shift day so VJ can see her daddy.

• Always ask what they had to eat at the station.

1) So you don’t compete with gourmet firehouse meals. 2) So you can quietly resent eating leftover nuggets while he had steak and potatoes 

• You will completely lose track of weekdays.

Your new calendar? “On day, off day, off day.” Repeat.

• DO NOT TOUCH THE GO BAG.

The sacred bag (backpack, duffel, or grocery sack) contains all their shift survival items. Use something from it and you will get a call mid-shift.

• Get used to the sounds of the job.

Radio crackles. Pagers beeping. Group texts full of fire talk during date night. You’ll eventually learn to nod and pretend you know what “2nd due mutual aid structure fire” means.

• And finally… they live and breathe this life.

You’ll stop fighting it. You’ll learn that dinner conversations often circle back to the firehouse—and honestly? It’s part of what makes them who they are.

⸻

Being married to a firefighter isn’t always easy. It requires grace, humor, flexibility, and a whole lot of coffee. But it’s also full of pride, strength, and admiration for someone who runs toward the things we all run from.

To all my fellow fire wives—you’re not alone in the chaos. And if you’ve got glitter in your hair, cold coffee on the counter, and a toddler who’s already obsessed with the fire truck life? You’re doing just fine. ❤️